MAN BLASTS MY CLOTHES AND MY DIET

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and it seems as if the honeymoon is over. He used to love the way I look and the way I dress, but now all he does is chip away at me about my appearance. It’s making me fell really selfconscious and I end up changing about 20 times before meeting him to go out for the night! I’m getting to the point where I’m wondering why he stays with me if has so many issues with the way I look. He’s a fitness freak and very aware of his own appearance, and is very careful about what he eats, which can make it tiresome when we’re at a restaurant together. And he’ll often comment on what I’ve ordered, telling me how much fat is in it or he’ll give me a lecture on sugar. I used to quite like the fact he took such an interest, but now it’s driving me mad. Any suggestions?

Coleen says

Wow, he sounds dull. Do you want to have a future with a man who makes you feel bad about yourself? If you’re not careful, he could badly affect your confidence and self-esteem. He’s trying to project his own standards and ideals on to you. You need to tell him that you don’t want to be lectured on food and if he has nothing nice to say about your appearance, then he shouldn’t say anything at all. If he doesn’t stop being critical, I’d think seriously about walking away before you don’t have the confidence to do it. Give yourself the chance to meet someone who loves you the way you are and doesn’t want to change you. I wonder if your boyfriend is aware of the things you don’t like about him. I’m sure there’s plenty of room for improvement, but you’re too nice a person to tell him that.