MORE TO SPLIT THAN JUST WORK

Dear Coleen

My husband and I haven’t lived together for several years now.

I am the main breadwinner and took an excellent job in another part of the country. We both made this decision together but he stayed behind and continues to work there. He’s only looked at one or two other jobs where I live, but claims he can’t find anything.

I’m at the end of my tether with this situation and not sure whether to give up on him or move back to be with him.

Coleen says

I think you’re lacking a plan. This situation has limped on for several years and, if you’re not very careful, you’ll simply grow further apart, have totally separate lives, and there will be no marriage to save. Longdistance relationships can work, but they require effort from both partners and a lot of nurturing.

If what he’s trying to tell you in a very long and roundabout way is that he has no intention of moving to be with you, then he needs to be up front about it.

Then you have to decide if you can carry on with the current arrangement and how long it’ll go on for. Another year?

Another five years? And what do you do in the meantime to keep in touch and nurture your relationship?

Put visits and holidays in the diary. Stop the drift and have a plan.

Don’t just jack in your great job and go back without having a really frank discussion about your future and what you each want from it.