SNUBBED BY COLLEAGUE I FANCY

Dear Coleen

I work alongside a woman who I’ve really fallen for. We’ve worked together for about 18 months and used to get along great. I was sure there was something between us. Recently, one of our other colleagues told her how I feel, thinking she was being helpful, but it has hugely backfired and now the woman I like has become really cold towards me.

Whenever I have to speak to her on a work matter, she can barely look at me and gets rid of me as quickly as she can. We were really good friends before this, so I’m having a hard time accepting her attitude.

I’ve decided to delete her from my social media accounts and just get on with work as best I can, but I still feel bad about it. Any advice?

Coleen says

The fact she’s gone cold since finding out you have feelings for her probably means she just feels incredibly awkward because she doesn’t feel the same way about you.

She doesn’t know how to handle it, so she’s being cold and distant, which isn’t the most mature way to deal with it, especially as you still have to work closely together.

Your pride has taken a knock and you’re obviously hurt, but I think you should step up here, be the grown-up and say something along the lines of, “Look, I know you’ve been told I like you and it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. But we need to get along as colleagues, so let’s put it behind us and move on”.

I think it’s a good idea to delete her from social media for the time being. If you still have feelings for her, seeing her posts can twist the knife and just make things more difficult.