He left me after 40 years and now I feel so alone

Dear Coleen

I’m 61 and I was married to my husband for 40 years before he split from me last year. I left my parents’ house to marry him and together we had what I thought was a lovely life.

We had three sons and I stayed at home while he worked. We never had much money but I had everything I needed in my family.

My husband worked away a lot and looking back I think he may have been unfaithful a few times but I always turned a blind eye because I just wanted us to be happy.

Last year he announced he was leaving me for a woman he used to work with. We sold our three bedroom house where we raised our children.

The house had a beautiful garden that was my pride and joy after the children left home. I’ve now had to move into a tiny one bedroom flat that doesn’t have a garden and I feel like my whole world has crashed in on me.

I thought we’d grow old together and now I have to face spending the rest of my life alone. This wasn’t how I thought my life would be. Will there ever be light at the end of this?

Coleen says

It’s such a shock to the system when your life is turned upside down and your future is no longer going to be how you had imagined it. When my first husband had an affair and our marriage came to an end, I felt so lost.

I had all these plans for us once the kids had grown up and it was suddenly snatched away from me.

So I can only imagine how you’re feeling after 40 years of marriage, as we weren’t married as long as that.

If you’re like I was, you’re probably feeling a huge sense of loss right now plus a lot of fear about your future.

But believe me, all isn’t lost. Yes you’ve ended up in a one bedroom flat without a garden, but at least you haven’t ended up with a man who is unfaithful and uncaring towards you.

It sounds like gardening is your passion. Could you get an allotment nearby, join a gardening club or even get a part-time job in a garden centre?

And speak to your sons and friends. Tell them that you’re feeling lost, lonely and you don’t know what to do with yourself.

Go online too. If you’re a bit of a technophobe get one of your sons to show you how to get on Facebook and get back in touch with some friends from your schooldays or your past.

It sounds like you’ve devoted your whole life to your husband and family, so now it’s time to rebuild things with the focus firmly on you.

We had to sell our house and I miss our garden