MADE TO FEEL LIKE A SINGLE MUM

Dear Coleen

My husband and I have two beautiful children aged eight and five. We have family living close by and lots of friends and a lovely house. We both work, yet I often feel like a single mum.

My husband is a keen cyclist and often goes on long bike rides at the weekends, leaving me with the kids for hours at a time. I love being with them but I’d enjoy it even more if we were together as a family of four.

Plus I’d love to be able to go and get my hair cut or meet my friends for a coffee and have a break from parenting or work.

But my husband seems to think the weekends are his free time. We argue about this all the time but he just can’t see my viewpoint.

Am I being unreasonable?

Coleen says

Absolutely not. This is 2017. Relationships and marriages, especially those involving children, are about compromise and give and take.

So I don’t think it’s too much to ask your husband to spend your weekends together as a family. Or for you to have a break too, so you can go and do something nice for yourself.

At first you could break him in gently and say that he can only go on these long bike rides once or twice a month, but not every weekend. Because you know what, he can totally see where you’re coming from. He’s just choosing not to.

After all, how would he feel if you went out every Saturday for several hours, leaving him at home with the kids after a busy week at work? So if he doesn’t change, I think you need to get a bit tough with him.

As women, we’re often so frightened of laying down the law too much in case we’re labelled a nag.

So we’re always trying not rock the boat too much, but then end up feeling hard done by and resentful.

If all else fails, make your own plans one weekend and only tell him five minutes before you head out the door and see how he likes it.