I found condoms in my 15-year-old son’s room

Dear Coleen

I’ve found condoms in my 15-year-old son’s bedroom and I don’t know what to do. I have three teenage children of whom he is the youngest, and he’s had a girlfriend for about six months.

She’s a lovely girl and they seem very happy together and we know her parents because they’ve been at school together for years. She’s also 15.

Recently I was doing his washing and I found a small bit of torn off condom wrapper in his back pocket.

He was out for the day so I’m ashamed to say I looked in his bedroom and I found a box of condoms in his bedside drawer that had been opened with half of them missing.

Now I don’t know what I should do. Obviously they’re underage but I don’t want to cause a fuss, or embarrass him or admit I’ve been in his bedroom.

But I do want to speak to him about it because I feel that’s the responsible thing to do. I’ve spoken to my husband who says we should just leave them to it and pointed out to me that we were doing the same thing at their age (we met when we were at school, too).

What do you think?

Coleen says

Well if you can take any comfort from this all too common situation it’s that at least they’re being careful and using protection. Yes they’re legally underage, but let’s be honest it happens as you and your husband know only too well.

I always think it’s funny that we did stuff when we were young and then we’re horrified when we find out our own kids are doing the same thing. As immature as they are in age, I think they’re actually being very mature in using protection.

And you say yourself she’s a lovely girl and they’ve been together for six months. At the end of the day, they’ve been together a little while so deep down it must have crossed your mind that they may be sleeping together.

When my kids were teenagers, I was really open with them about sex and protection. I’d have a little discussion with them that usually ended with them saying, “Oh Mum, stop talking about it!”

You don’t have to have an in-depth conversation, just pretend you haven’t been snooping in his room and say, “Do you think you and whatever her name is will start sleeping together soon? I’m here if you want to talk about it but please use protection.”

I don’t want to cause a fuss or embarrass him