SHOULD I CONTACT MY REAL MUM?

Dear Coleen

I’ve known I was adopted ever since I can remember. I’m now 33 and I’m engaged to a wonderful man and we have a gorgeous boy who’s two.

My adoptive family gave me a fantastic childhood and I have two older sisters who I adore. Just recently however I got an email on Facebook from a lady who thinks she’s my biological aunt.

She said her younger sister, my real mum, gave me up for adoption when I was a baby because she was only 18 and unmarried and couldn’t afford to keep me. I’ve always been curious about my real mum but wouldn’t want to hurt my adopted parents by getting back in touch with my real family. What should I do?

Coleen says

First of all, please stop worrying. I’m sure your adoptive mum and dad have been waiting for this day to come for years. They’ll realise that you will be curious about your real mum and dad and where they came from.

They must also anticipate a time when the real parents – or parent – get back in touch.

So please don’t think this will come as a complete shock to them or that the curiosity you’re feeling is disloyal. It’s really not.

It is completely understandable and your adoptive mum and dad will understand, especially if they’re lovely people, which you describe them as.

I think you should just tell them this woman has got in touch and see what they say. Help them to help you make the decision about what to do. Tell them that it doesn’t change anything.

They are your parents, they’ve raised you and been with you every step of the way. Nothing will ever take that away. It’s not like you’re going to run off with your new family, but you may make room for them in your life. So just talk to your adoptive parents about it.