Husband’s gone off sex but he won’t see a doctor

Dear Coleen

My husband of 18 years has completely gone off sex, but he doesn’t seem to understand the effect this is having on me. We’re in our mid-40s and our teenage children are at an age where they need us less and are out more.

After the crazy, hectic baby and toddler years, I always thought this was the time when we’d get our life back a bit and start being more of a couple again and not just Mum and Dad.

My husband is always fairly stressed – his mother is very highly strung and has had several breakdowns – and he recently admitted to me that he hasn’t had any sex drive for the last year or so.

When I think back over the last few years, he hardly ever initiated sex, but I always put that down to tiredness and having children.

But he says he just doesn’t feel like it any more. He says he loves me deeply and wants us to be happy. He refuses to see his GP as he’s embarrassed. I know that the more I nag, the less he’ll want to sleep with me. But I’m only 44 and I can’t go without sex for ever.

What can I do?

Coleen says

It’s so difficult with men and getting help, isn’t it? They have this embarrassment and pride which prevents them from opening up. Getting them to the doctor with a virus is hard enough, but I really think you have to be firm with him.

Not in a “Have sex with me or I’m leaving you” kind of way. But sit him down and explain you love him too and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but that you can’t imagine spending the rest of your life without sex.

If he loves you as much as he says he does, then he should go to the doctor.

Go together if it makes it any easier and tell him that you’ll do all the talking initially.

I’ll tell you another thing – your doctor will have heard this story from countless couples over the years and won’t be at all embarrassed or shocked. They’ll just want to help.

Good luck.

He loves me but I’m only 44 and I can’t live like this