MY MOTHER AND BROTHER ARE AT WAR

Dear Coleen

My mum and my brother are in the middle of a huge argument at the moment and they keep trying to drag me into it. My mum doesn’t like my brother’s wife and the way she parents their children and has made various comments about her to different family members that have got back to my sister-in-law. My brother is sticking up for his wife, which I can understand.

But my mum is on her own after our dad died a few years ago and I feel bad for her too. I feel I’m stuck in the middle as they all keep ringing me, hoping I’ll side with them. But I don’t want to get involved or say who is right or who is wrong, I just want things to go back to the way they were.

It’s my son’s fifth birthday party coming up soon and both my mum and my brother are saying they won’t come if the other one is there. How can I make them see sense?

Coleen says

I think you’re doing the right thing by not wanting to take sides. Feuds like this are just awful and people often don’t realise the argument affects the whole family, who feel they’re being dragged into it whether they like it or not.

If I were you, I’d keep doing exactly what you’re doing. You can see it from both sides but you don’t want to get involved.

So continue going to see your mum and if she starts moaning about your brother just say: “Look mum, I love my brother and I don’t want to get involved. I hope you sort it out because you’re all adults but please just leave me out of it.”

The same goes for your brother and sister-in-law if they start criticising your mum.

As for family gatherings, such as your son’s birthday party, it’s hard but you just have to say: “Look, you’re invited and if you don’t come because of this fight then you’ll be the one to miss out.”