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Thursday, June 25, 2009

l her parts unexpected, disgusting and, I and suppose, romantic. Unfortunately, he contheir was unable to retrieve it as planned. Remarkably, she was so keen to g like maintain the surprise she wouldn’t tell f the him what she’d done or why, but and eventually decided this was a hospital er. matter, so we met in cubicle three. It was a very easy delivery with a pair of sponge-holding forceps. She hadn’t told me about the contents of the egg either at this point, so there was a moment of confusion for both me and the boyfriend when she asked him to open it. I gave him a pair of latex gloves, sandblasting the very last trace of romance from the scenario. She popped the question and he said yes; presumably out of shock, or fear of what a woman who does that with a Kinder Surprise would do to him if spurned. for bject

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This morning I delivered little baby Sayton – pronounced Satan, as in King of the Underworld.

It’s hard to believe he’ll get through his school career unbullied, and yet we merrily wave him off on that journey. (Or maybe he’s actually the devil and I should have just shoved him back in.)

At lunch, fierce discussion with my colleague Katie as to whether my run-in with baby Sayton is better or worse than one she delivered called Lesanya, pronounced lasagne, as in lasagne.

Down in A&E around 11pm to review a patient, and thumbing through Twitter while I work up the strength to see her. There’s a big news story breaking, but so far only gossip-merchants TMZ have reported it. “Oh Christ,” I gasp. “Michael Jackson’s dead!” One of the nurses sighs and stands up. “Which cubicle?”

A patient named their baby after me today. After I delivered the baby I said, “Adam’s a good name”. The parents agreed. I say “Adam’s a good name” after every single baby I deliver – this was the first time anyone’s ever said yes. The senior house officer asks how many babies I’ve delivered. I estimated 1,200. He then says on average nine of every 1,200 babies born in the UK would be called Adam. I’ve genuinely put off eight sets of parents from naming their child after me.

This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor by Adam Kay is published by Picador on

Thursday, priced £16.99.