MY MARRIED LOVER WON’T SLEEP OVER

Dear Coleen

I’m 53 and my boyfriend is 67. We have known each other 19 years but he still lives with his wife, even though they each live separate lives.

He went out with another woman (who I know) before me for 14 years, but never left his home.

He is so caring and generous to me, always telling me he loves me and he also spends most of his spare time outside of work with me – evenings and Saturdays after work and Sundays, too.

However, he won’t stay overnight, not even occasionally. This is making me feel insecure. Any tips?

Coleen says

That’s making you feel insecure – not the fact he’s lived with his wife for the past 19 years? He sounds “caring”, while he’s having his cake and eating it. I mean, really!

You’ve only been getting his side of the story for 19 years – it could be that his wife has no idea that you even exist.

I don’t think he’s your boyfriend, I think you’re his mistress.

And I can say this because I have personal experience.

When I met the mistress of my ex-husband, she’d been given the same story, that I knew all about her but was staying for the kids and we slept in separate rooms etc. So I had to tell her it wasn’t true and I actually felt sorry for her because she’d been lied to as well.

So, I’m not going to say give him a bit more time and he’ll leave his wife because I don’t think he will.

The test will be if you tell him you’re not doing it any more. I bet he’ll be upset and beg you to stay, but still won’t leave his wife. I’m sure your friend, who dated him before, will tell you the same thing.