TREATED LIKE A SERVANT IN MY OWN HOME

Dear Coleen

I work full-time and when I get home it’s straight into cooking, cleaning and taking care of my kids and husband. I am also ordered to do things – it’s a case of “pass me that” or “make me a cup of tea”.

I get no help with any chores at all, I do the grocery shopping myself at weekends, as well as all the housework and childcare. To top it off, I am verbally and emotionally abused daily. I feel like a servant in my own house. I never get time to relax or even do my hair because I’m constantly catering to my family.

My husband doesn’t appreciate me and most of the time when I ask for help, he just ignores me.

I’m really struggling and I know it’s going to end the marriage as I just can’t go on like this.

Coleen says

Then stop doing everything – that’s the easiest answer.

I understand you don’t want to live in a mess, but your husband can sort his own clothes and make his own cups of tea – you don’t have to do anything for him because he’s an adult and a parent just like you.

You don’t say how old your kids are, but if they’re older, then they can do chores, even if it’s tidying their rooms one day a week.

You have to be stronger because right now everyone in your house is taking you for granted. And the next time your husband ignores you, spell it out that your marriage is over if things don’t change.

The verbal and emotional abuse is more concerning and will be chipping away at your self-esteem, so you won’t have the confidence to stand up for what you want.

You need to consider whether it would be best if you did end the marriage. What would you be losing if you did? In effect, you’re already living on your own and doing everything yourself – just with him in the way.