Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
How to know when teen angst is serious
Several of my grandchildren are negotiating the choppy waters of their teenage years. I’m on the side of teenagers despite their moodiness, rudeness and antisocial behaviour. After all, their brain is deconstructing and doesn’t reconstruct completely until they’re around 25, so no wonder they find the adult world difficult to adapt to.
But how do you know if your teenager is just going through a loner phase or is psychologically distressed? And if you suspect they are troubled, what’s the best way to help?
Parents will be pleased to know that they are best placed to assess their teenager because they are able to evaluate changes over time which few professionals can do.
No clinic can track day-to-day behaviour the way a parent can.
What you’re looking for is a decline in mood and behaviour. Changes may not be obvious, they can be quite subtle and affect social behaviour, academic performance and emotional stability. So be alert to deterioration, especially if it lasts for some time.
Most bad moods, social distress or academic crises, although intense, should not last very long, a few days at most. But if the decline continues steadily for two weeks or more, then there’s cause for concern and be prepared to consult your GP. Be alert to a youngster withdrawing socially, particularly from family and close friends. Other things to be alert to are a loss of interest in everything, but particularly in activities your teen had previously enjoyed, tiredness and lethargy, avoidance of eye contact and changes in eating or sleeping habits, such as not eating at all and staying in bed all day. The most important thing you can do is to gain your teenager’s trust.
So start by telling them you’re concerned. Ask them sympathetically if anything is wrong. Make it clear you’ll help them or get help in any way possible and in a way they’re comfortable with.
Never take action unilaterally. Always involve them in decisions.
Respecting your teen is paramount and listen with full attention. Don’t be distracted. Try not to accuse or judge, and offer suggestions only if asked. Offer to take them to see their GP but only go with them if they want you to.
Reassure them a GP appointment is confidential and you’ll not ask what happens. Your trust and confidence in them goes a long way to restoring their self-belief and self-worth.
Teens, like everyone, thrive if applauded so take every opportunity to praise and approve. This way you can reinforce positive behaviour and help your teen rejoin the human race.