BEST PAL IS DRIVING ME DO0LALLY

Dear Coleen

I’ve been best friends with someone since we were at secondary school, but I’m now confused about our relationship.

She has definitely been through a hard time, which I realise will have an impact, but now I dread speaking to her. I’ve even told her I need some space because her emotions are so up and down that I end up worrying and feeling depressed.

When she calls, I never know whether she’ll be OK or crying down the phone. She can also be incredibly rude to me sometimes and then just brushes it under the carpet. Frankly, I don’t know what to say to her any more.

She tries to reassure me that she’s happy, but I don’t believe it.

One afternoon she rang me multiple times and I ignored every call because I couldn’t face talking to her.

There are no light-hearted moments and I really don’t know what to do to make her feel better.

Coleen says

She sounds like an emotional vampire. The next time you speak to her, just be honest and say that you feel very sorry for her and want to be supportive, but you don’t know how to help her because you’re not a counsellor.

And perhaps counselling is what she really needs to help her take control of the situation.

If her problems are severe and deep-rooted, then friends can only do so much. You’re clearly out of your depth with her issues and you can’t change her situation for her – she has to do it for herself.

Her problems totally dominate your relationship to the point where there’s really nothing else. That’s a shame because if she allowed herself to talk about other things and to have fun, it might boost her mood and her confidence while she’s getting professional support elsewhere.