SECRET DIARY OF TWO NEW FATHERS... Mums have unique bond with baby as a source of food... we’re spare parts

There are all sorts of things a new dad feels in the opening few months of his first child’s life. The love for your new baby and the incredulity that you have managed – despite what a hash you may have made of your own life – to contribute to something so perfect as a newborn baby is like nothing else.

Combined with the crippling exhaustion of looking after your screaming little bundle of joy, it means the whole thing is a truly intense experience.

But even if you get “a good one” when it comes to feeding and sleeping, there are emotions banging around that can make life seem overwhelming.

Not that many fathers will tell you about them. When it comes to discussing being a new parent, most first-time dads will admit they are either happy or tired.

What they might not tell you about are the feelings of frustration, envy, guilt and general uselessness that will also pop up.

Don’t get us wrong, we love our kids. Jackson, aged 19 months, and Ben, seven months, if you come across this article in years to come, rest assured that you are the best things that happened to us. But, my goodness, have there been some dark moments.

Our wives are both great mums but from the moment junior arrives, Dad starts to get edged out.

It makes sense. Often you are back to work a week or two after the birth, and mum and baby are with each other all day, every day.

They hang out, go for coffee, the baby gets fed on demand by a lovely-smelling, gentle woman. In short, they form a bond.

Dad, meanwhile, is usually at work. And while he is updated by a stream of pictures, it can feel like he does not really know his baby when he gets home from work.

Of course, we want to play our part – and looking after Mum is a good way to do this. But when it comes to soothing a baby, it’s incredibly frustrating.

Picture this. It is the middle of the night and Mum is exhausted. You don’t. Mum, if she really is the sole source of his food, has a unique and special bond with him that comes from being the one thing that keeps him alive. You don’t.

Suddenly, you are a spare part. Of course, there is always the breadwinner role to be filled.

Older dads will confirm, the “bank of Dad” and the “Dad taxi service” are open for business long after their child has grown into a confident, single-minded and wellsupported member of society.

Anyone who has found themselves

Over the years, a million books and magazines have been written about becoming a new mum. But even now, very little is written about what it is like for dad. Traditionally, men stood outside the bedroom door and then went to the pub to wet the baby’s...

Tot Richard with sister and dad