FAMILY IS AGAINST PLAN TO WED

Dear Coleen

I’m a 66-year-old man and everyone in my life keeps telling me I’m rushing into getting married again after losing my wife in February.

My fiancée and I intend to tie the knot next July and that’s when I plan to sell my house and move in with her permanently.

My friends and family haven’t been supportive though – they’re all saying I shouldn’t sell my house and that it’s too early to think about marrying someone else.

There’s also a 16-year age gap between us, which worries them too. What’s your take on it?

Coleen says

I’m sure your friends and family have good intentions – they probably assume you are still grieving and are in a vulnerable place, so it’s perhaps not the best time to make huge life decisions like selling up and getting married.

I don’t think they’re saying you can’t have a relationship, but they’re just querying why you’re in such a rush to marry again.

Having said that, I imagine you’ve been through a lot with your wife. It’s your life, so if you think this relationship is right and you have no doubts or misgivings, then go into it positively.

When it comes to moving on from the bereavement of a spouse, everyone has an opinion on how long it should be before you’re ‘allowed’ to find happiness again, and what’s right and appropriate.

But there is no right and wrong – just be aware that this new relationship won’t mend things instantly and that your grief might show itself weeks, months or even several years down the line.

I understand why your family and friends are concerned, but also that you’ve lost someone and perhaps you thought you’d never find anyone again.