NEW COLLEGE CUTS ME OFF FROM MATES

Dear Coleen

I recently took up my place at a new college after leaving secondary school for a fresh start. I was the only one from my friendship group who left instead of choosing to carry on to the sixth form.

Now, two months in, I’ve realised I made a big mistake. I’m not enjoying my course, I didn’t get the fresh start I wanted, I haven’t made any new friends and I feel really distant from my friendship group.

I don’t know what to do because our timetables are different and in the evenings I’m just so tired and drained from college that I don’t see them as often as I used to. When we do meet up, there are jokes that I’ve not heard or stories I’ve not known about and I just feel really lonely and miserable.

I’m missing my friends and not even for a worthwhile reason. What should I do?

Coleen says

I think this is the first point in your life where you’ve had to make a choice that can take you down a different path to your friends.

But when you’ve all finished your A-levels, your friends at sixth form will all be going on to different jobs, universities and colleges, so they’re not going to be together anyway.

If you are genuine friends, you’ll keep in touch, but you have to make the effort. Invite them over and plan things at weekends. My daughter Ciara was the only one from her group who didn’t stay on at sixth form, but they all still come over here.

Of course there will be jokes and stories that you’re not in on, but because you’re seeing each other less there should also be more to talk about.

Also, going to college isn’t just about having a laugh. You obviously chose that place for good reasons. And, when the time comes to go off to uni or find a job, I think you’ll be far better prepared than your friends who haven’t experienced that change yet.