Caught boyfriend look­ing for pros­ti­tutes on in­ter­net

Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland) - - DEAR COLEEN -

Dear Coleen

Seven months into our re­la­tion­ship, my boyfriend searched for pros­ti­tutes on­line. I found out about a month later when I saw some text mes­sages. I was dev­as­tated and heart­bro­ken.

Our re­la­tion­ship was ab­so­lutely fine un­til then and he didn’t have a rea­son to stray at all. He says he just thought he’d have sex with pros­ti­tutes when we couldn’t. For the record, we have sex at least three times a week.

He never ac­tu­ally had sex with any of these women – I’m ab­so­lutely sure of that – but the dam­age was done. I ended things with him, but we kept talk­ing, try­ing to work it out.

Two months after we split, I ended up hook­ing up with my male best friend. No sex, just touch­ing and kiss­ing. I think I did it be­cause I was still hurt and was try­ing to get back at my ex. But I felt in­stant guilt so I con­fessed the very next day.

He was hurt and sad, but sur­pris­ingly for­gave me straight away. He said he un­der­stands why I did it and he blames him­self. De­spite that and the fact that we weren’t of­fi­cially to­gether, I can’t help feel­ing hor­ri­ble.

He’s asked if we can try again, but I’m hav­ing trou­ble for­giv­ing my­self. I love him with all my heart and have ended my friend­ship with the other guy, yet I can’t move for­ward.

Coleen says

I don’t think you’ve done any­thing that ter­ri­ble and you weren’t even to­gether when you did it. It was an un­der­stand­able re­ac­tion and you’ve re­alised now that it wasn’t the best choice.

But look, he was the one look­ing for pros­ti­tutes on­line and jus­ti­fy­ing it by say­ing he as­sumed he could just have sex dur­ing times when you weren’t.

Er, has no one ever told him that it doesn’t work like that in a com­mit­ted re­la­tion­ship?

If you’re go­ing to get back to­gether, then you still need to talk about why he did that – and he has to un­der­stand that he can’t do it again if he wants a re­la­tion­ship. You both need to learn from these mis­takes and be hon­est with each other.

He wanted sex with them when we couldn’t do it

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