Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
Caught boyfriend looking for prostitutes on internet
Dear Coleen
Seven months into our relationship, my boyfriend searched for prostitutes online. I found out about a month later when I saw some text messages. I was devastated and heartbroken.
Our relationship was absolutely fine until then and he didn’t have a reason to stray at all. He says he just thought he’d have sex with prostitutes when we couldn’t. For the record, we have sex at least three times a week.
He never actually had sex with any of these women – I’m absolutely sure of that – but the damage was done. I ended things with him, but we kept talking, trying to work it out.
Two months after we split, I ended up hooking up with my male best friend. No sex, just touching and kissing. I think I did it because I was still hurt and was trying to get back at my ex. But I felt instant guilt so I confessed the very next day.
He was hurt and sad, but surprisingly forgave me straight away. He said he understands why I did it and he blames himself. Despite that and the fact that we weren’t officially together, I can’t help feeling horrible.
He’s asked if we can try again, but I’m having trouble forgiving myself. I love him with all my heart and have ended my friendship with the other guy, yet I can’t move forward.
Coleen says
I don’t think you’ve done anything that terrible and you weren’t even together when you did it. It was an understandable reaction and you’ve realised now that it wasn’t the best choice.
But look, he was the one looking for prostitutes online and justifying it by saying he assumed he could just have sex during times when you weren’t.
Er, has no one ever told him that it doesn’t work like that in a committed relationship?
If you’re going to get back together, then you still need to talk about why he did that – and he has to understand that he can’t do it again if he wants a relationship. You both need to learn from these mistakes and be honest with each other.