Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
My incredible journey... by Church’s first trans minister
A METHODIST minister has revealed to parishioners that she is transgender – the first in the church to do so.
Joy Everingham, 46, is finally living as a woman after hiding her true identity for four decades.
She broke the news to her congregation in a notice handed out before a service.
She said: “People sat down and started reading it, and then I could see them looking up and around.
“I was scared to death, but people kept coming up to me and saying, ‘Well done’.
“A couple of people didn’t speak to me for a bit, but they had to work it out for themselves.
“I was expecting it to be a long hard trek to justify who I was, but it’s not been like that.”
Joy arrived at St Peter’s in Canterbury, Kent three years ago with wife Ruth and their two children.
She had known she was “different” from the age of five, when she was growing up in a Sheffield mining village.
She said: “I wasn’t like the boys, I was always more like the girls. My dad used to joke, ‘I’ve got three kids, one of each’, so I was obviously different – I couldn’t hide it.” As a teenager she tried to be as boyish as possible in front of classmates, but at home she would put on her mum’s make up and shoes.
At the age of 19 Joy started dating best friend Ruth and the pair married a few years later. For eight years she hid clothes in the loft and continued to dress as a woman in secret.
But shortly after the birth of their first son Joy realised she had to open up to Ruth.
She said: “We were sitting in bed and I said, ‘I’ve got something to tell you’.
“I started crying and couldn’t breathe.
Ruth was convinced I was either having an affair, or I was gay. It was obviously a bit of a shock.
“I thought she was going to leave me, or kick me out, but she said, ‘I’ve got to think about this’.”
Ruth agreed to stay, but said she would have to leave if her husband transitioned. But the couple are still together after and Joy has been taking hormones for 18 months.
Joy said: “Ruth loves me for who I am, but she’s still attracted to men. I’m not sure she’s really attracted to me sexually any more, but we’re still in love and we’re still best friends.
“She still sees me as the same person, I just look a bit different. Transitioning has made our lives easier, it has become wonderfully normal. It’s made our marriage better because I’m content with myself, and the struggle isn’t there any more.”