Am I a cougar at 24 for fancying a lad who’s 20?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 24-year-old woman and have always had a rule of only going for older men. In fact, the very thought of younger guys just freaked me out! I know men date younger women a lot, but the other way around just seems weird to me.

However, about a year ago a young guy started working in our offices. He’s 20, smart, funny and very attractive. We talk a lot at work and always have a laugh together. He always makes an effort to drop by my office to say hi and lately I’ve been doing the same.

We just get along so well. We click and the conversation is always so easy. I thought it was just workplace flirting, but lately we talk and hang out away from work too, delving into personal matters and talking into the early hours of the morning.

I think I genuinely like this guy, but everyone at work and even my own friends have been calling me a cougar and saying it’s just not right. I’ve started to worry myself. Am I preying on this lad or is the age gap OK?

Coleen says

Er, what age gap? It’s only four years and you’re both in your 20s. If you were my age, you’d be a cougar, but you certainly couldn’t be described as one at 24. Personally, I think your friends and colleagues need to get a grip. If he’s as nice and handsome as you say he is, it’s likely they’re just jealous and that’s why they’re being so miserable.

If you like this guy and everything clicks, then ignore your friends and workmates, and see how things develop. My sister Maureen was 10 years older than her hubby – that’s an age gap – but it worked for them.

You should worry less about what other people think. For me, the main thing to consider is that you work in the same offices, so you have to think about the consequences if you do end up dating and it goes wrong. Would it make it hard to continue to work together or could you put your differences aside and be professional? Perhaps that’s a conversation to have if it does get to that point. The cards are stacked in your favour on this one!

My friends say that this age gap is just not right