STRUGGLING TO ACCEPT MY PARTNER LIED

Dear Coleen

I have been with my girlfriend for more than two years and she hid her past from me for the entire time. I’ve recently found out everything, which she has admitted to, saying she didn’t want me to know because I would judge her for it and she didn’t want it to ruin our relationship.

The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s creating huge problems between us. I feel like I fell in love with the wrong person, like it was a character she was playing. Now she has changed, but I’m struggling to accept her past.

What should I do?

Coleen says

OK, well you haven’t actually said what she did in her past, which makes it trickier to answer. But I think you have to work out what’s upsetting you the most – is it her past or the fact she lied to you for over two years?

Lying is never great and the truth always comes out in the end, and when it does it’s 10 times worse. However, she has admitted to it now, probably because she loves you, trusts you and she realises that she has to tell you if you’re to have a future together.

But I’m sure she was scared about admitting to it because she anticipated this reaction and doesn’t want to lose you.

If it’s what she did in her past that’s troubling you more than the lie, then you need to work out whether you can live with it or if it’s a deal breaker.

And if you decide to stay together and try to work it out, then make it clear that from this moment, she can’t lie to you again.