ASHAMED THAT I’M STILL VIRGIN

Dear Coleen

This is kind of embarrassing, but I’m a woman about to turn 27 and I’ve never had sex. I hate myself for that and the fact I haven’t found anyone special to share my life with.

If I’m honest, I’m not good at talking to guys. I’m friendly and polite but I always get my words mixed up when chatting to them.

All my friends and my sister are in serious relationships and I don’t go out much any more as they always seem to be busy. I want to find someone and I want to be loved, but what can I do?

Coleen says

First of all, stop hating yourself because you’ll project that negativity, even if you think you’re hiding it well. And why are you so down on yourself? You’re a young woman with plenty of time to find a partner, so don’t be embarrassed, be positive about it. It’s exciting because you’ve got it all ahead of you.

But think about how you can build your self-confidence – what do you love doing? What are you good at? Focus on all the positives in your life. As far as losing your virginity goes, it’s actually easy to go out for the night and end up sleeping with a random person, just to get it out of the way. But you don’t want to do that. You want to wait for the right one, and you mustn’t hate yourself for that.

I understand that the longer it goes on, the more it becomes an issue for you, so I’d make a deal with yourself not to think about it and tell yourself whenever you go out that you’re going out to have a good time with your friends and if you end up talking to a nice guy, then it’s a bonus.

And when it comes to striking up conversations, I’ll let you into a secret – men get nervous, too.

I get plenty of letters from them asking how to talk to girls and the advice is the same for you as it is for them – be yourself and just imagine you’re talking to a friend.