DAUGHTER, 50, FORCES ME TO CARE FOR HER

Dear Coleen

Please can you give me advice on how to deal with my daughter who’s become very lazy in her 50s. Earlier this year, she decided to stop work and rely on me for support.

Her plan was to stay in her own home, but lower her cost of living by borrowing money, borrowing my car when needed and bringing laundry to my home to be washed and getting me to do her grocery shopping. And so it goes on.

Her reasoning is that when I’m too old to cope, she will do the same for me. But I am rapidly getting to that stage with all the extra work

I’m having to do looking after her – she’s like a child.

She knows I don’t have anyone to turn to and that’s why she’s doing it. It’s a real worry to me – what do you suggest?

Coleen says

That’s rubbish. There’s always someone you can turn to when you’re too old to cope. You can access services through your GP and social services. You can also get financial advice on planning for the years ahead.

I’m sorry to say, your daughter is blackmailing you and making you believe you have no options. If she were my daughter, I’d tell her I love her then send her packing.

Please stop being held to ransom. Stop doing her washing and her shopping, and don’t hand over all your money. Has she ever said how she intends to pay you back? That money you’re giving away could provide for your care in the future.

I understand it’s hard because you’re her mum and it’s your natural instinct to want to help her – but there’s being a mum and being a mug. She’s using you and you have to put your foot down.

It was her choice to leave her job, but she can’t expect you to pick up the cost.