Upset she dumped me for my childhood friend

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, saying she just didn’t want a serious relationship right now. We’d been dating for about six months and things were at the point of getting serious – or so I thought.

I was brokenhearted because I thought we might take the next step and live together, so I feel as if the rug has been ripped from under me.

To make things worse, I’ve discovered that she’s been seeing an old friend of mine. My family has known his family since we were born, and he and I were pretty close mates until we both left home to go to uni a few years ago. We were still in touch with each other, though, and I’d even introduced him to my girlfriend.

I feel like she’s lied to me – she said she didn’t want anything serious with me, but she already seems serious about him, as they’ve been on holiday together.

I want to confront her, but is there any point? I feel so angry and I haven’t heard from him, although I imagine he wants to keep a low profile. I’m sure our families will want to get together over the festive period, but right now he’s the last person I want to share a turkey dinner with. Any advice?

Coleen says

I kind of know how you feel because I’ve been in a similar situation – one of my sisters ended up dating a guy I’d lived with for two years. Even though we’d broken up, it felt weird and awkward. I accepted it because I didn’t want to lose my sister over this guy. I imagine you feel betrayed by your friend or at least that he’s crossed a line and you didn’t expect that of him.

If your family and his plan to get together this Christmas, then just make your excuses and don’t go. If they demand to know why, then be honest.

Why rub salt in the wound if you don’t have to? But I wouldn’t let your ex and your mate see you’re upset either, and don’t drive yourself mad wondering if they fancied each other while you were still together – it’s pointless.

The bottom line is, if you were meant to be with this girl, you’d still be with her. She obviously wasn’t right for you because you wanted different things. And she might not end up with your mate either. She may have been on holiday with him, but it doesn’t mean she’s totally serious.

My guess is you had a lucky escape, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

We were close mates until he went off to uni