EASTENDERS

BBC1, 8pm

Oh, Ian Beale has always been a weaselly, snivelling little fellow – never happier than when someone else is down on their luck.

And so he is delighted to hear from Arshad that Masood’s tales of business glory are in fact completely fictitious, and he’s been living in a clapped-out ice cream van instead.

Karen is pitted against someone familiar for the launderette job. And Whit finds a pregnancy test in the bin...