BOYFRIEND’S INTIMIDATED BY MY WORK

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing a really sweet guy for a few weeks now and things are going well.

We’re in our early 30s and had both been single for a while before getting together. We’ve admitted we’re ready to be in a relationship.

There’s one problem – he seems a bit intimidated by my job and my friends. I’m a doctor and he’s a bar manager. He never wants to come out with us, saying he has nothing in common with “those people”.

The other night, when he did meet us for a drink, I really put my foot in it and made things 100 times worse by joking that he was my “bit of rough”. I don’t know why I said it – I was a bit drunk and nervous.

When I looked at him, he looked really embarrassed. The thing is, we actually have a lot in common and we met because of our shared love of music. Have I ruined it all?

Coleen says

Hopefully not. The thing is, opposites do attract and having very different lifestyles is a really interesting dynamic.

Why not just tell him you were a bit drunk and you’re sorry if it offended him. And emphasise that you love what he does and that you have different jobs. I’m sure your friends are as fascinated by what he does as he is by their jobs.

It sounds like he’s a bit insecure and lacks confidence so rather than laugh at your comment or come back with a quip, he’s taken it to heart. But I don’t think things are beyond repair.

You might come to realise you can’t deal with his insecurities – you shouldn’t have to apologise for your job or friends. But once you get to know each other better the situation will resolve itself.