POLLYOMETER

Going up... Princess Eugenie

Everyone’s smirking at the unfortunateness of another royal wedding in the same year as the only royal wedding anyone’s going to care about. But is Eugenie an idiot... or a genius who masterminded this plan on purpose because she prefers privacy? She’s definitely surpassed the other bride in one area though... Eugenie is even more tricky to spell than Meghan.

Eggstremely talented

It doesn’t take much to become Instagram famous nowadays, so A for effort to the latest online star, The Eggs-hibit. She is – obviously – an artist. Her medium? Eggs. She’s crafted some images of true joy and beauty, but here’s a picture of her Donald Trump... because it’s not only uncanny, but would also do a much better job of being President than the one who is (supposedly) not a yolk.

Going down... Spitting image

A Saudi beauty contest for camels had to enforce its no Botox rule last week and disqualify a dozen animals. The harsh reality is that the only plastic surgery people notice is

bad plastic surgery, so it’s totally likely the winner of the competition had succumbed to an injection or two, too. We’ll need to check the photos, and see if it looked surprised when it won...

Kitty in pink

We will soon be able to buy pink Kit Kats. Flavoured with the Ruby cocoa bean, they have apparently been in development for over 10 years. In other words, it wasn’t broke, and yet someone just wasted a decade trying to fix it. Gross.