NEED CLOSURE AFTER LOVE SPLIT

Dear Coleen

I broke up with my ex-partner nine months ago after I found out he was sleeping with a friend of mine whom he worked with. It had been going on for a while and, once he realised I knew, he ignored all of my calls and texts.

He didn’t have the decency to face me after two years together. So, after nine months, I still think about him every day without fail and I think it’s due to wanting some form of closure.

Is this normal? I have tried to move on, but haven’t met the right person. Perhaps that’s the reason I’m finding it hard.

Coleen says

I understand how hurt and frustrated you are and, yes, after two years together it’s a shame your ex didn’t have the decency to face you. However, if you’re looking for closure from him, I think you’re wasting your time.

He didn’t explain to you at the time and it’s unlikely he’ll do it now – probably partly because of shame and partly cowardice.

You have to use your anger positively – why allow him to carry on affecting your life like this? The best form of revenge (although I don’t like that word) is finding your feet again and being happy.

But you can’t look to him to give you that or another man for that matter – you need to dig deep and find the motivation within yourself. It takes time to get over someone, but you have to help yourself along.

Distraction is a great tool – say yes to going out with friends, even if you don’t really feel like it. Fill your life with as much as you can and, if you find yourself brooding on your ex, do something straightaway to take your mind off him. Read a book, watch a movie, call a friend, go for a run and so on.

One day, I promise, you’ll wake up and you won’t feel so bad. Also, if you want to talk it out with someone, try counselling.