Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
It hurts me so much but my marriage is over..
MIRROR agony aunt Coleen Nolan today admits she is divorcing her husband of 10 years, Ray Fensome, declaring: “We can’t go back.”
The TV star, 52, tells in her column of a “hellish” 12 months and says: “There is too much dividing me and Ray.” Devastated Coleen adds: “I can hardly sit here and keep dishing out advice if I’m not being totally straight about what is going on in my own life.”
The pair, together 17 years, got engaged in 2005 and wed two years later. They have a daughter Ciara, 16. Coleen fought for their marriage “with every fibre of my being”.
But she says: “Once you know your marriage is truly dead you need to make your peace with that, bury the past and move on.
“After 17 years together that’s what I’m about to do.” She continues: “I’ve got tears pouring down my face as I write this.
“It’s hard to imagine that so much could have changed from that day when we married. On that day I thought there was nothing that could split us up.
“I was convinced we’d grow old together, hobbling to the Post Office to collect our pensions. But a decade on and it’s now clear I was wrong.” Coleen, who found fame with family pop group The Nolans, had hoped she and guitarist Ray, 60, could work through their problems. The mum of three says: “For the last couple of years I’ve got up in the morning hoping desperately everything would be alright. Now I have to admit it’s not going to be alright.”
Coleen admitted in 2016 that they were going through difficulties. She said at the time: “We’re going to do a lot of talking over the next couple of weeks, but if we can’t fix it then I want us to have counselling. The next step is a trial separation.”
She also spoke of marriage trouble while in the Celebrity Big Brother house in January 2017. She said in the diary room: “I came in here when my marriage wasn’t great, really not great. I think we needed a break, we needed to be apart.”
The Loose Women panellist now tells how it was “all I thought about” on the show, which she won, adding: “We were already in trouble then. Sadly, even having time out to think wasn’t enough to save us.”
Coleen, who has sons Shane Jnr, 29, and Jake, 25, from her past marriage to Eastenders actor Shane Richie, praises her children for their backing.
She says: “My beautiful kids have all been unbelievably supportive and understanding. I want to show marriages can break down without families breaking down. So long as you’re honest.”
Coleen previously told how turning 50 hit her self-confidence and left her feeling vulnerable in her marriage.
She said: “I suddenly felt invisible as a woman and was looking for reassurance from Ray. Six months ago I said to him, ‘I don’t feel like you fancy me any more’.
“I was totally devastated when he said, ‘The thing is, men are visual’.”
I thought we’d be hobbling together to collect our pensions, but I was wrong COLEEN NOLAN ON HER VISION OF FUTURE ON WEDDING DAY
Dear Coleen
My boyfriend’s sister is about to get married. My dilemma is, he has a baby with his ex and this woman is close to his sister, so I know she’ll be at the wedding and that their daughter will be one of the flower girls.
As his current girlfriend, how should I handle this? I am very uncomfortable seeing her at family functions but I feel powerless to do anything about it. I know I’m not in a position to decide who to invite to the wedding, but it’s driving me crazy that his ex will be there.
Is it OK that she’s invited, even though I will be there too?
Coleen says
I think this invite is probably more about their child than the adults involved – this little girl is the bride’s niece and I’m sure her parents will want their granddaughter to be there, too.
So I think you should show a bit of maturity and stop being so insecure.
If you can manage that, I think they’ll have more respect for you and like you even more. Imagine if, on the day, you don’t cause a fuss and you’re lovely to everyone – they’ll think, “What a great girl”.
My advice is, don’t give his ex any reason to cause problems. I’m sure your boyfriend will appreciate it, too, as it’s an awkward situation for him and he’s probably worried about how you and his ex will react being in the same room.
However, if you really feel you can’t handle it, it’ll be just as mature to admit to that and give your boyfriend your blessing to go and have a good time. If it were me, I would rather go and be part of it, than be sat at home brooding.