Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
Constant arguing makes me want to leave hubby
Dear Coleen
I’m stuck in the middle between my husband and his mum, who constantly argue. Every time they attempt to talk, they continually interrupt each other. He blames his mum for the past and his ‘overprotected childhood’ and she’s just an emotional wreck.
I should add that she has cancer, but she’s been emotional her whole life. When I spoke to her she mentioned getting more counselling, but I know for a fact my husband won’t go.
She’s had plenty of professional help the past and I’m not sure it’s the best thing for her as she seems unable to let things go and, from what I can tell, neither can my husband. They are both so stubborn.
I love them both dearly, but I’m now at the point where if they don’t grow up and get over whatever it is, I’m thinking of walking out.
It’s gone on our whole marriage and I don’t want our children growing up in this environment.
So, if counselling is out of the picture, what do you suggest?
Coleen says
You can start by telling them exactly what you’ve just told me – they either make a proper effort to put their differences behind them for the good of the whole family or you’ll have to go.
They both seem to have a lot of pent-up anger and frustration, which they need to vent. The trouble is, they’re venting it on you and you’re not equipped to deal with it. I understand how wearing it must be.
The thing is, they can’t sort their issues in isolation – both of them have to be willing to make a joint effort. You say you know “for a fact” your husband won’t entertain the idea of counselling, but perhaps if he knew how close you are to walking out, he’d reconsider.
You can’t force someone to get help, but you can suggest it and explain why you think it’s a good idea. I think your husband is being selfish here. I don’t doubt that his feelings and grievances are real, but his mother has cancer and if any time is a good time to accept their differences and, as you say “let them go”, then it’s now.