Hottest date of the year

FIRST DATES: VALENTINE’S SPECIAL

C4, 9pm

VALENTINE’S Day. A wonderful opportunity for love and romance? Or a commercial, vomit-inducing day of overpriced flowers and rammed restaurants?

Say what you will about the Hallmark holiday, but don’t say anything negative in front of maitre d’ with the mostest Fred Sirieix. For this is his favourite day, and a highlight on the First Dates restaurant calendar.

“Today’s the day, tell that someone special how you really feel!” he gushes. Sadly it’s too late for us (the big day was on Wednesday), but there’s joy to be found in watching how others fared. Aside from a smattering of red heart balloons and a polite card exchange among the waiters, it’s business as usual with a parade of daters hoping to find love – just with more pressure than normal.

There’s awkward small talk, misfired jokes and one or two raised eyebrows as the singletons get to know each other. Of course, for us, this is all highly amusing.

“I’m very full on,” warns Dominique, who is looking for a man as chatty as she is. She may struggle to get a word in when she meets Nana’s boy Buddy, who doesn’t pause for breath.

But Buddy apparently has depth. He says: “Love for me is three little words – don’t ever change.”

Meanwhile, your heart will go out to Isaac, getting his life back on track after being homeless for three years following the death of his mum.

And elsewhere, worryingly, retired nurse Sue has a penchant for Jeremy Corbyn’s look. Say no more.

HOPEFUL It’s the big day for the contestants