Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
Historic meeting between two leading world geniuses
Trump World Condominiums, Seoul, South Korea.
The day Robert Mueller publishes his report into Russia’s links with Trump and Stormy Daniels does a sit-down with Oprah Winfrey.
Fox News, North Korea State TV, 12 product placement reps from the Trump Organisation. The two great men enter the room… (TOGETHER): Great hair.
It’s an honour to meet you, Kim. Can I call you Kim?
As long as you don’t do what you do to other Kims, and grab my p*ssy.
You’re funny, Rocket Man. Why do you call me that?
It’s my second favourite Elton John song. My favourite’s Tiny Dancer… (ASIDE TO FOX TV) which I’ll be calling
US SECRETARY OF STATE
him when he dances to my tune.
(TO KOREAN TV) My great plan has worked. As soon as my weapons programme is a success the senile dotard rushes here and falls at my feet.
Let’s talk about what we have in common. Big armies, gold toilets and our people adore us. And we could have one more big thing if we pretend to be nice to each other. A truly great prize.
World peace?
No, a Nobel Peace Prize. Which would make me the best President ever!
Now I’ve met you I realise you are a noble genius. My nuclear arsenal, like my hands, will never be as big as yours.
(WIPING AWAY A TEAR) Come here. (HUGS HIM) What’s a bit of missile testing between friends. You’re not a Wrong ‘un, Jong-un. I’m taking all US troops out of South Korea right away.
(WINKS AT TV) Back of the net…