CAN’T HE SEE THAT WE ARE SOULMATES?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 30-year-old gay man and I know I’ve met my soulmate. We are compatible in every way, have tons in common and he knows how I feel about him. We’ve known each other for five years and have seen each other on and off during that time.

We can’t keep away from each other for too long, as we are very attracted to each other. He’s in his early 20s, but neither of us has a problem with the age gap.

When we first met he wasn’t out to anyone, but now he is and is more comfortable with his sexuality as a result. I wasn’t out at the time either, but now I am, too.

He has said he’s open to a proper relationship, but I haven’t heard from him in over a week, even though I know he’s very busy as a professional jazz singer.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know he likes me, but I’m not sure he loves me. I think he’s the indecisive type and I wish he could see that we’re made for each other.

What’s your advice?

Coleen says

He’s younger and has recently come out, so he’s probably at that stage where he’s really enjoying being himself for the first time in his life, and I think you have to give him that time. My worry is that if you keep telling him that you should be together and make grand statements about spending the rest of your lives together, it might scare him off.

It doesn’t sound as if he’s ready to make that kind of commitment yet, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be ready at some stage. You haven’t dated properly and I think you need to do that before making a judgment on whether you have a future together.

Sometimes people only realise how much they care about someone when they’ve spread their wings a bit. Take it slowly and see what develops.