There’s no match for Katie’s loo tip

A few thoughts occurred to me at the news that Katie Boyle had died.

What exactly was she famous for? Has there ever been a greater contrast between two famous people with the same surname as there is between squeaky clean Katie Boyle and the unashamedly vile Frankie Boyle?

And does anyone remember her giving advice as a TV Times agony aunt to a reader who asked the best way to mask an “embarrassing bathroom odour” after going to the toilet in a stranger’s house? No? Well Katie reckoned you should strike matches in time to your motions.

It was a great pointer, and to this day I rarely leave home without a box of Swan Vestas. It also got me hooked on nuggets of magazine advice, especially Viz’s Top Tips.

A topical one being: “Fellas, pretend that you are TV’S Anthony Mcpartlin by looking at yourself in the back of a spoon.”

To be fair, that probably works better now after you’ve had a skinful. I was stuck behind a white van this week when I noticed a whole lot of stickers on the back window. People who put stickers on the back of their cars can never just put one, can they?

This particular man was blocking the rear-view mirror with a variety of beauts, but a few that caught my eye were: “Britain First”, “If You Can Read This You Weren’t Aborted”, “I (Heart) Trump”, and “I’m Not Speeding I Just Need A Poo”.

He also had written above his registration plate “No Tools Left In Van Overnight”.

Which I think was meant to tell us that he didn’t sleep there.