NO SEX SINCE ARRIVAL OF OUR BABY SON

Dear Coleen

I’m 28 and my wife is 25. We have a great relationship and a beautiful little boy. We met at work two years ago and I knew she was “the one”. We got married nine months later and she fell pregnant four months after that.

However, since we’ve had our son, her sex drive has disappeared and this is bringing me down.

Before, we would have sex at least three or four times a week, and would make plenty of effort with each other, but now that’s all gone, leaving me contemplating looking elsewhere.

I love her and hate the fact these thoughts are coming into my head, but whenever I raise it with her, she tells me she’s tired from looking after the baby, which is understandable.

But even when we arrange childcare in advance, she’d rather sit on her phone or ipad then have sex. It’s driving me crazy.

Coleen says

First of all, what you’re going through is very common. The arrival of a baby has a huge impact on any relationship – the physical and mental exhaustion, combined with getting used to your new roles as parents is tough.

I think the key is to take the pressure off sex and when you do have time together, work on rebuilding the bond between you. Go on dates without expecting sex at the end of it, and just try to have fun being a couple again whenever you get the chance. Make her feel attractive and desired.

Once she doesn’t feel that pressure to have sex, but is enjoying your time together, then it will become a much sexier idea.

But don’t contemplate looking elsewhere – this is a tough patch and it won’t last forever.

And when you talk to her about it, don’t blame her or threaten her, but ask what would make things easier for her, and how she’d like to spend those nights off together.