How do I tell him I want to explore my sexuality?

Dear Coleen

I am currently in a very loving relationship with a really great guy.

We got on from the moment we met and moved in together as soon as we could. We got married first for my parents’ approval as they are devoted Christians and that’s just the way I’ve been brought up.

My problem is, over the past year I’ve felt my sexual drive towards him getting weaker – it feels as if there is something missing. In the past, I had a drunken incident with a female friend and I have always been attracted to both sexes. However, I suppose I have just denied it and hidden my feelings because of my religious background.

But I’m starting to feel that I need to explore these feelings I have, maybe within some kind of polyamorous relationship.

I haven’t a clue how to explain this to my partner, though, as I genuinely love him and don’t want to lose him. I am also terrified of my parents finding out because I’m pretty sure they’ll disown me.

How do I explain all this to my husband and to my parents?

Coleen says

I think you got married to satisfy other people and are now realising that it was perhaps too soon and might have been a mistake. In terms of explaining things to your loved ones, you should be honest with your husband.

You don’t have to start by saying you want an open relationship so you can experiment sexually with women, but be honest that something is missing for you and that you got married without having had the chance to explore your sexuality.

Open up a discussion and find out what he thinks and listen to what he has to say.

You have to accept that he might not be into the idea of an open relationship, but he might be willing to stay in your life as a great friend.

As for your parents, I think you know already that it’s not going to be easy to discuss your sexuality because it sounds as if it’ll go against their faith. But you can’t live a lie to make everyone around you happy while you’re miserable.

So it comes down to taking the bull by the horns and accepting that other people won’t be happy. It’s hard to keep up the pretence of being someone you’re not and, if it doesn’t come out now, it’ll come out in five or 10 years.

I have always been attracted to both sexes