CAN’T TELL MY PARENTS I’M GAY

Dear Coleen

I feel like I’m stuck in a rut and can’t see a way out. I’m in my

20s and a closeted lesbian. I came to terms with it a long time ago, but although my family love me, I know they would not accept my sexuality.

For this reason, and due to having low body confidence, I’ve never had a sexual relationship. The only kiss I’ve ever had was with a guy years ago when I was still questioning myself.

I don’t have any close friends (I count my sister as my best friend, but I still feel unable to be honest with her), and just feel I spend my life constantly working and then staying in at night. I should be out enjoying my youth, but I just feel alone and sad.

I want to meet a girl and fall in love, but it seems so out of reach.

Coleen says

First of all, do you really know your family would be so unsupportive?

Even if you’ve heard them make comments in the past, it doesn’t mean that when they’re faced with someone they love saying, “This is who I am”, they won’t be OK with it.

And even if they do react negatively at first, once they’ve had time to digest it, they’ll adopt a different approach.

If you’re close to your sister, then why not approach her first? Turn the tables for a moment and think about how you’d react if she confided in you about something big – would it stop you loving her? No.

The fact is, you are living an unhappy life by trying not to upset your family and life is too short to deny who you are.

I’d also get in touch with FFLAG, an organisation that supports parents and their lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans children (fflag.org.uk). There are some really useful downloads on the site, including A Guide For Family And Friends – LGB, and How Do I Tell My Parents I’m Gay/lesbian/bisexual?

I think your lack of a social life probably stems from you not being able to come out and be yourself. It’s time to start thinking about what you want.