Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
Ways to boost your sex appeal after 45
As middle-aged say they are ‘invisible’ to the opposite sex...
SOME people seem to have oodles of it, for others it feels barely there. And when it comes to sex appeal, it seems age does matter.
When women turn 45 they feel all but invisible to the opposite sex. Though men fare little better as the same happens to them at 47.
A poll of 2,000 people by Harley Street surgeon Dr Julian De Silva, of the Centre For Advanced Facial Cosmetic & Plastic Surgery, found women’s sexual confidence drops in their 40s while men say they are no longer “eyed up”.
Here, LBC Radio’s Sex and Relationships host Lucy Beresford, right, and psychosexual therapist Cate Mackenzie talk us through their top tips to sort out your sex appeal.
“You might be yearning for that sense of attraction from others to make you feel better but you have to love yourself first, then the rest will follow,” Lucy says. Here’s how...
“Recognising that you’re worthy of self-respect and love is key,” Lucy says. “Take time for yourself.”
Cate adds: “If you feel responsible for others try to develop a healthy selfishness where you get in touch with what you want and need, what pleasures you and start to ask for it.”
“Release thoughts about not being good enough or difficult relationship experiences by writing about them to clear them out,” says Cate.
Lucy says skin-on-skin contact with a partner in a bath or soapy shower can develop intimacy, or keep you in tune with your body if you’re single.
Lucy says people forget sex is meant to be fun – laughter is key even if it’s unintentional. “Even if you try something new or introduce something that gives you the giggles, that’s got to be better than just sitting on the sofa,” she says. Laughing also releases endorphins that can boost your mood – and sex appeal – making you more confident and appealing to potential partners.
Cate says having fun with steamy books can put you in the mood.
Cate suggests allowing yourself to feel innocent and “let go” to become more appealing to yourself – and others.
“Be free to be friendly to lots of people with no expectation – see yourself as an engaging, loving person,” she advises.
“Talking about what you used to do sexually is sometimes hugely helpful – if you talk about the old ‘you’ or the old ‘us’ if you’re in a relationship, you are easing yourself into changing your sex life now,” Lucy says.
For older women, hormonal changes connected to pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, the menopause and ageing can all cause their libidos to plummet.
Lucy says some medications can hinder your sexual response, including your desire for sex and your ability to become aroused. So maybe talk to your GP about switching to a different medication with fewer sexual side-effects.
Stock up on libido-boosting zincrich foods such as dark chocolate, pumpkin seeds and watermelon. “Sit down and say, ‘Right, tonight I’m going to have a sexy supper,’” Lucy says.
Introducing a toy into the bedroom can be great for women who are single or in a relationship. “They are the kind of things women can buy for themselves and they are also fun and playful to use with your partner,” says Lucy. “They make things a bit more creative and imaginative.”
Stand in front of the mirror and identify all the things you love – it could be your long eyelashes or your fabulous smile – rather than the things you hate.
“Talk to yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love your body,” says Lucy.
“Give compliments, flirt and say what you want,” recommends Cate. “It’s very sexy.”
“Get out of your rut,” says Lucy, who recommends joining a book club or going to live music events.
“Then you will start meeting more people and this will enrich your life.”
Cate agrees, saying: “Look at your diary and check how much fun is there – and put more in.” If you find you are afraid of being seen as sexual or needy, it might be time to seek some help.
A number of counselling services offer psychosexual and relationship therapy.