DAUGHTER’S NEW BLOKE IS CONTROLLING

Dear Coleen

My 35-year-old daughter was married to a lovely man for many years and they have two daughters aged five and eight. However, 18 months ago she shocked us all by announcing she was leaving her husband for a man at work.

As soon as we met him we took an instant dislike to him, and him to us. They moved in together within six weeks, which isn’t fair on the children, who also don’t like him.

This man is controlling and dictates to our daughter who she can and can’t see. Because we were cool towards him when we first met him, he’s banned us from their house because he now thinks we’re trying to turn our daughter against him.

This means we’re unable to see as much of our grandchildren, who need us now more than ever. I used to look after them after school two nights a week, but he now insists they go to a childminder instead.

I’m not eating or sleeping because of this and I can’t see a way out.

Coleen says

This is such an awful situation and you have my sympathies. It’s even worse there are young children involved. There’s nothing you can do for now, other than be there for your daughter. Never, ever stop talking to her or reaching out to her, so when this relationship goes wrong, which it hopefully will, she’ll know you’re there waiting for her.

When you do see her you could ask her calm, gentle questions like why this man doesn’t seem to like any of her friends or family. You could offer to continue looking after your grandchildren and say this will save them money, and it will also be nice for them.

So be there for your daughter because if you walk away he’s won and has control of her, which is what he’s aiming for.