Husband has no libido and won’t see a doctor

I’m in no way ready to give up having a sex life

Dear Coleen

My husband and I have been married for 25 years but our sex life has dwindled to nothing.

We’re in our 50s and our children have left home. We both keep active and work out, and people tell us we look good for our age.

I still fancy my husband like crazy, but he just doesn’t seem to feel the same way about me.

He never initiates sex and I stopped trying about a year ago.

So now we just don’t make love. I recently confronted him about it and he said that he just doesn’t have a sex drive any more.

I don’t think he’s having an affair – we work together and run our own business from home, so we’re together all the time and I’m sure I’d know if he was up to anything.

We’re very close in every other way. We get along great, we have lots of friends, a nice home, great kids and a good life together.

But I still feel very sexual and I’m in no way ready to give up on having a sex life. However, he’s refused to go to his GP and says we should be grateful for everything we have.

What can I do?

Coleen says

I think you need to sit him down again, because this just isn’t on. If he’d been to his GP and he or she couldn’t help, or nothing worked, then fair enough. But he’s not even willing to give it a try.

However, to just turn around and say, “I’m not going to go and you’ll just have to accept it” is really selfish.

Tell him he’s playing with fire because if you’re not ready to give up on a sex life then you’re susceptible to an affair.

If somebody comes along who shows you some attention and makes you feel attractive and desirable, then of course you’re going to be tempted because you’re just not getting any attention from your husband. This is exactly how affairs start.

And he needs to know this now before it’s too late.

Persuading men to go and see their doctor is a nightmare, isn’t it?

His lack of libido could be due to stress, depression, a medical condition or some medication he’s on, and his GP will be able to rule these factors out. So maybe go along to your GP together and see what he or she says.

Alternatively, a good starting point might be the NHS website, which often has tips, advice and helplines that can help with this sort of stuff.

The bottom line is that he should at least make an effort, otherwise I really worry for your future.