EX AND I CAN’T AGREE ABOUT GIRL’S SCHOOL

Dear Coleen

I have a 10-year-old daughter and me and her dad split up when she was four. He left me for a girl at work and has been in and out of our daughter’s life ever since.

Sometimes he’ll go for months without seeing her, and then he’ll decide he wants to see her and we have to drop everything.

She’s due to start secondary school in September and I want her to go to our local grammar, but my ex is adamant she should go to the comprehensive with her mates, which is up the road from him.

We both went there and it’s quite a big, rough school with an average to bad reputation. His thinking is, it didn’t do us any harm.

But my thinking is, why not send her to an outstanding grammar school seeing as she’s bright enough to get in.

What can I do?

Coleen says

Firstly, I think you’re both being unfair on your daughter if she’s hearing any of this. Starting secondary school is a stressful time for kids, so don’t make it worse. Both sit down with your daughter, hold your tongue and ask her where she wants to go.

Explain to her the good and bad points about the schools, discuss things calmly and don’t let it descend into an argument.

Your ex does have a point that sticking with her friends at the local comp could be good for her, but a grammar school may be better for her future.

Then tell your ex you both need to be on same page with your daughter. Also, you can’t keep holding it against him that he wasn’t around much when she was very young.

Good luck.