I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT BABY

Dear Coleen

I’m a girl of 19 and, for the past three months, I have been seeing a really great guy who’s 24.

I haven’t really had a serious boyfriend before, but this feels like the real thing.

My problem is that he recently revealed to me that he had a daughter, who’s a year old, with his ex-girlfriend. I could tell he was very nervous about telling me and he claims he hid it until now because he thought I’d freak out and dump him because I’m only 19.

I think he’s had quite a rough time of it – adjusting to being a parent and dealing with his ex, but I wish he’d been honest from the start.

I feel a bit confused now – a couple of my friends have said that if he can keep a child from me, what else is he hiding? I think that’s a bit dramatic, but it does bother me that he left it three months to be honest.

Can we have a future together?

Coleen says

Yes, but you do have to be realistic that you’d also be taking on his child and, to some extent his ex, because they’re going to continue to be in his life.

I don’t think you need to be in any rush to move things to the next level – you’re both still young and have plenty of time – so carry on dating and getting to know each other, and see how it goes.

As for taking three months to tell you, maybe he was waiting to see how the relationship developed, and when he realised you could be someone special, he knew he had to tell you.

He might not have been looking for a serious relationship, but then you changed things. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, but make it clear he must be honest with you in future.