JEALOUS AFTER REUNION WITH EX

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, but before Christmas we fell out after weeks of arguing and split up.

We were apart for about three months and both slept with other people during that time, but in April we met up and decided we were both miserable without each other, and decided to try again.

I’m so happy we’re back together and he’s happy too, but I keep thinking about him sleeping with other women and it’s becoming an unhealthy obsession. I’m sure it must be hard for him too, knowing that I was with a couple of other guys.

Can we get back to where we were and will things ever be the same? I wish I could just forget about it and move on.

Coleen says

Ultimately, I think it should be easy to move on from this because you both slept with other people, not just one of you, so it’s an even playing field. And neither of you cheated because you’d split up and were free to get back into the dating pool.

I think what you have to do now is be really honest with each other about why things reached crisis point, so you can avoid getting into that situation again. What led to the arguments? Talk it through and come up with ways of resolving those issues.

As for thinking about your boyfriend with other women, you’ve only been back together a couple of months, so naturally it still feels raw.

But don’t torture yourself about knowing the details. Sometimes a crisis can mark a turning point in a relationship and you can come back better and stronger, as long as you deal with the roots of the problem.