Transfer window could be mellow, or the Wild West. Either way, best to chill

FOR fans of some clubs it may feel like the transfer window is yet to open, but there are now only three weeks left before it shuts.

To show how short a time span that is, when there were 21 days left last summer the new Premier League season was starting the following day.

Which means most fans’ brains will currently be wildly out of kilter as they are still experiencing World Cup withdrawal symptoms – or PTSD (Post-television Saturation Disorder) – and have yet to suffer the worst effects of PMT (Pre-midaugust Tension).

Nobody knows how having the shortest of Premier League transfer windows will pan out.

It could be relatively mellow, as owners realise no mugs are going to pay that hugely inflated fee they’re demanding for their third-choice striker. So, unless they slash the price, they’ll be paying him £100,000 a week for the next five months to sulk in the reserves. And normality is restored.

Or it could be utterly manic, as managers realise, with a week to go, that, unless they pay the ridiculous price they’re being asked for the half-decent midfield hod-carrier, they will have to stick with the less-than-average midfield hod-carrier they currently have, until January 1. And Wild West rules will apply.

With the amount of cash knocking about – and thus the levels of fan expectation on the rise – it’s safe to plump for the latter. So, here are a few reminders to cling to during the next three weeks to keep you sane in the midst of the inevitable hysteria.

If you’re worrying that your club is shunning Prada prices and shopping at Lidl, remember two of the best buys last summer were Andy Robertson for £8million and Pascal Gross for £3m.

Don’t despair if the player with top-notch stats in another European league does not sign, as you may already have a better one.

Think Everton spending

£24m on Davy Klaassen when they had Tom Davies. Remember that when Leicester won the title two years ago, with a squad costing less than £31m, Manchester United finished fifth at a cost of £328m.

Don’t worry if you’ve failed to sign one of the “surprise stars” of the World Cup since “marquee signings” can turn out to be Big Top clowns.

Think Kleberson, Stephane Guivarc’h and Salif Diao.

Don’t let all that TV money burn a hole in your mind by believing your club has – or intends to spend – the £200m that a pundit said they need to splash to turn them into “contenders”.

Don’t believe the worst click-bait sites, or insiders with no inside info, or anything that comes from foreign papers as it’s probably the mate of an agent trying to start a bidding war.

Remember that when you’re playing fantasy football, you are playing a game. Your club can’t buy Harry Kane or Eden Hazard because that is not how the real world works.

That “Latvian Zidane” you’ve just missed out on will probably go to a more desperate club and turn out more of a “Latvian Tomas Brolin”.

Don’t go on air-tracking sites when you’ve heard rumours that a target is on his way to your local airport as thousands of others will be doing the same and air traffic control are trying to guide down real people from the air.

If you’re panicking over your rivals flashing the cash, remember Richard Keys’ infamous tweet last July: “Loving Everton’s business this summer. Here’s an early call – they finish above Liverpool this season.” And remember that, as the mania builds, you are 100 per cent guaranteed in three weeks’ time to see a proper return to Sky Sports’ Transfer Deadline Purple Dildo Day as helicopters hover above training grounds in scenes reminiscent of the last days of Saigon. So,

chill.

GOOD AND BAD DAYS Ronaldo was one of Fergie’s great signings, but Brazil’s Kleberson was a huge flop