POLLYOMETER

Going up... Labelrador

When it comes to dogs, I’d be of the easy come, easy go philosophy – but apparently some people actually mind when they lose them. For that niche market there are these new non-boring collars which say things like “Oh sh** I’m lost, please call my mum – she is ugly crying”, “Got lost prowling for bitches” and the way deep “Not all who wander are lost, but I might be.”

Pillow talk

If you have trouble sleeping, you’ve probably tried everything. Or so you thought. Dreem is a headband sensor which whispers calming messages – and claims you’ll nod off faster and have better quality sleep. Wonder if the calming messages are individually tailored like, “There won’t be a second referendum” or “Jack and Dani will definitely win Love Island”.

Going down... Doah!

It was only a matter of time – and now someone has invented Pizza Butter. As the name more than suggests, it’s a recipe for butter that tastes of pizza... so you could make it, spread it on bread and it would be just like eating a pizza. Or you could just order a pizza. What a time to be alive.

Fright white

Rubbing dirt on something you want to clean goes against all laws of everything... but the makers of this toothwhitening clay still want us to do it. So it’s a beauty treatment that sounds like a dare, then. The billions are about to start rolling in any second now, I’m sure.