SHE’S NASTY ABOUT MY EX GIRLFRIENDS

Dear Coleen

I’m a 45-year-old man and my partner has recently turned 50. I’ve never married and don’t have kids, while she’s a divorcee with a grown-up son.

We’ve been together for a couple of years now and get on really well apart from one thing – she has a real problem with my ex-girlfriends and either says nasty things about them or makes out I’m a real player, which I’m not.

Sometimes it’s in a jokey way and other times she’ll snipe about “all my other girlfriends” as if I’ve had hundreds of them. I’m becoming more irritated by it because it’s spoiling a wonderful relationship.

Coleen says

She sounds insecure and it might be an age thing. You’re younger and have never committed to someone through marriage and she’s just turned 50 which, especially for a woman, can be a big deal.

I’ve never worried about my age but even I hit a bit of a wall at 50. My kids had grown up, I’d hit middle age and I started questioning my place in the world. She might even be worried that you’ll start thinking of her as older.

You might be able to sort things really easily by just making a bit more effort to show her you love her and find her attractive.

The occasional gesture can go a very long way.

But don’t pander to it either – it’s very emotionally draining when a partner constantly reacts like this and you constantly have to justify yourself or boost them up.

So when she talks about your exes or you in a derogatory way, just explain it’s in the past and you’re not discussing it, and move on to something else. If you make it very clear it’s off the agenda, hopefully she’ll move on, too.