WIFE WANTS BABY NO 3 AND I DON’T

Dear Coleen

I have been married for 10 years. We have two children aged five and eight. I’m very happy with our family as it is, especially now that the kids are a bit older and more independent, and our home life is calmer and easier. We’ve got it all.

However, my wife has got it into her head that she wants another baby before it’s too late. She’s 37 and I’m 39.

It’s started to take a toll on our sex life and our relationship because she’s only keen on sex when she’s ovulating. The rest of the time, it’s like I don’t exist.

She seems unwilling to consider my point of view. Any ideas?

Coleen says

If you really don’t want another baby, you have to tell her that and explain why. And it’s probably a good idea if sex is off the agenda altogether until you’ve discussed things properly.

Your wife is kind of using sex here because of course she knows you’ll want to do it if you haven’t done it for a month! And, as you rightly point out, it’s taking it’s toll on your relationship.

It’s not a turn-on when sex is just a means to an end (a baby) and you’re starting to resent her.

So I think it would really help if you had a frank conversation where you put all your cards on the table and listen to each other’s point of view.

You need to consider a lot of stuff – the impact of a newborn on your relationship, the financial implications and the impact on your other children. You need to get to the heart of why she wants it so much and you don’t.