Minute as there he next as gone. esn’t get asier...

FA Cup-winning Everton manager signed Gary, a boyhood Blue, in 1996 Taken under Gary’s wing after breaking into the Wales squad, the pair became close friends Former Wales captain who also taught Gary’s sons Helped sign Gary for Newcastle Former Wales tea

till tar at ed: ory, his ons

rol ry’s ble

Gary Speed: Unspoken – The Family’s Untold Story, by John Richardson and published by Sport Media, is on sale from Thursday, September 20 priced £18.99. Louise Speed is not receiving any proceeds from the book. At her request, we are making a donation to the Heads Together campaign.

sportmediashop.com/book/ gary-speed-unspoken/. I was driving to Oldham on family business when one of my sons rang me asking if I’d heard that Gary Speed had died and it was suspected suicide. Without one ounce of exaggeration, I nearly veered off the motorway.

Then the news started coming out about the tragedy, although it was still very hard to comprehend – a beautiful young man, a certainty some time in the future to manage a Premier League club, probably Everton.

The whole thing is a mystery. Just three weeks before he left us, Gary and Louise had been on the front row watching me on Strictly Come Dancing. I’d just done the jive and we shared a high-five. It was great to see he was so proud of me. He loved Strictly. I’d an inkling he would have loved a go at it.

We can’t speculate about why Gary took the action he did. What I do know is the most important thing if you ever feel low is to talk to someone. My mother came to the house because I had phoned her to tell her the news. She gave me a little glass of whisky to calm me down a bit. We ended up spending the afternoon reminiscing about Gary, hardly believing we were talking about him no longer being with us. It’s strange to think I fought like hell to beat my cancer and feel lucky to still be here whereas Gary, who appeared to have everything, ended his own life.

All I can think is that he was in a very dark place at the time. Maybe he was suffering inside. But he never shared that. That really eats me up.

E BLUE Gary and Joe at son Park signing in 1996 DANCE FAN Watching Robbie on Strictly I’d been with him the day before. He had been watching his son Tommy play football at King’s School, Chester, where I am a teacher. We had a chat and he was clearly making plans for the future in his job as Wales manager.Gary doted on his two lads. He was brilliant because although he adored them, he put them right. HOPES Gary, top, and Barry in squad at World Cup qualifier in September 1993 Every May, at the end of the season, a group of us would head off to a placeAlan Shearer had inPortugal. It BREAK Gary & Terry arrive at training was always the same eight people packing our golf clubs and playing in the sunshine. Once Speedo left us we never repeated the golfing week. When he died a part of us died with him. No one said we were knocking it on the head. It just didn’t happen again. I miss it a lot. But I miss Speedo a hell of a lot more. STRUGGLE John survived cancer