NAGGED OVER REFUSAL TO TRAVEL

Dear Coleen

I’m a 51-year-old woman and I’ve never been abroad or travelled much at all, even in this country. I just don’t feel I want to for lots of reasons.

However, I feel I get too much “advice” from family, in-laws, work colleagues and so on, who all tell me how I’m missing out on foreign travel and that I should do it.

I was feeling content with my choices and now I’m feeling upset and starting to doubt who I am and the decisions I’ve made.

My boyfriend is very understanding and has never pressured me to do anything I don’t want to do, unlike the other people in my life.

When I say I’ve only ever been around Scotland (where I’m from), people actually laugh and tell me I need to go to Rome or Benidorm, but l just don’t want to! I don’t want to get angry with them or feel defensive every time the topic comes up. How can I tell these important people in my life to back off, as I’m starting to feel cornered, just like I did when I was a teenager. I don’t want to have fallouts, as I am supposed to be a mature adult, but I’m so totally cheesed off I could cry.

Am I wrong and am I missing out? Does there even have to be a right or wrong? Please help.

Coleen says

It’s interesting you say you’re starting to feel cornered, like you did as a teenager, so I wonder if some feelings from back then have been triggered in you that relate to an anxiety about being away from home.

It’s worth thinking about what this has stirred up for you and if it would be beneficial to speak to a therapist.

Having said that, I don’t think there is a right or wrong at all. So rather than feeling upset or defensive, I think you have to be a little more brazen and unapologetic and just say, confidently, “Please don’t worry about my holidays, worry about your own!”

Your partner isn’t in the least bit bothered, so I would say that’s the most important thing.