I WALK OUT EVERY TIME WE ARGUE

Dear Coleen

I walked out on my boyfriend recently following an argument over something not particularly serious. He went mad and told me I can’t keep leaving every time the going gets tough and that we’ll never find answers that way – is he right?

He thinks the way I react is immature – he’s a few years older than I am and has been in a serious long-term relationship before, whereas I haven’t. I suppose I just get angry and feel like I have to leave. Any ideas on how I should be handling things?

Coleen says

Well, he’s kind of right – you can’t storm out and end the relationship every time you have a disagreement.

Instead, you might say, “Listen I need to go out and cool off and then we can sit down and talk about it”. That’s fine and sensible if you’re feeling angry.

But I think people who have a tendency to end the relationship after every dispute (unconsciously or otherwise) are testing their partner. It’s a sign of insecurity.

The danger is that your boyfriend will get really fed up and the next time he might say, “OK, but don’t come back because I can’t live my life like this.”

People row sometimes and you have to accept that in a long-term relationship you will have disagreements. How you handle them is crucial to the success of it.

So, the next time it happens, face it. Take turns in explaining how you feel and chat about how you’re going to deal with it. You’ll never resolve any dispute if you don’t talk about it.